How Scholtz Once Worked as a Hair Model

cleans up well, if he ever bothered

In real life, Scholtz is not known as being very handsome.  Growing up, he was known a “goat face” and “stop talking to me” and voted most-likely-to-be-kept-from-college-due-to-acne by his guidance counselors. But thanks to trick-photography and some latent genes, which he got –almost entirely by accident, he blossomed (briefly) in his 30’s if you squinted real hard and put ear plugs in.

Years after his disappearance from public life, he was forcibly cornered once, long enough for one stylist to discover something he was hiding under years of dust and neglect. The lost treasure, Darwin’s opus: perfect, Dutch/German locks.

His one redeeming feature.

The stylist knew Scholtz would work for soda crackers, or worst case dog kibble, so he offered him a spot on a booked hair photo shoot in a warehouse, in downtown LA.  No sex act required, even when he insisted.

A mere 7 hours in the chair; Scholtz properly restrained and sedated

On set, he stuck out like a sore thumb.   Complete lack of personality and alarmed by the grace of real models, he fidgeted constantly and tried, at one point, to hide in the rafters behind a light fixture.  But he met the barest requirement to be there: he had hair.

Sure, it was overgrown with weeds at the time, and had one mole-rat living inside, but after Scholtz was properly restrained and the hair attended to for the first time in it’s life, it emerged wild and free.  The mole-rat is now the CEO of Chrysler.

The hair was done up and Scholtz was drugged (to spare the everyone from his jokes).  There was a camera there (duh) and the moment was photographed to help raise money for other hair that, despite huge potential, is still attached to some no-good loser, somewhere.

Here is that picture.  Tell no one.

Scholtz cleans up well, though sadly two to three people are usually trampled in the process

All evidence of this story was quickly locked in a crate, and stored in a warehouse three rows over from the Ark of the Covenant.

~ stevesmells ~

By SteveSmells

A comedy writer who lives by a simple code: up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start This is a joke.

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